I have so many female clients tell of of their first date.
They have sex and feel as though it is a shortcut to a having a great relationship.
As though the physical intimacy can somehow make up for the lack of emotional intimacy.
Emotional intimacy takes time.
The women who take the shortcuts......well I get calls because after a few weeks or months, the man is not calling or showing any signs of life.
I often hear how they know he will be back around because he has never had such amazing sex.
Ok ladies, we all have a vagina. It is not magic. The only magic that happens is when two people fall in love and commit to each other. Love should happen first. Sex is just simply not enough.
What is his favorite color? Favorite memory? Did he have a great childhood? A sad one?
So many women could draw his penis and yet not be able to describe how he behaves when in a temper, or hungry, or sad or happy. They have never met his family, or best friends.
Let's face it, sex is easy. Go into any bar and you will see quickly.
While great sex is great, even greater is knowing you are with the man who cares for you.
That he loves you with everything within him.
You are selling yourself short without that. You are devaluing yourself by giving away the most intimate part of yourself to a stranger.
HE is not going to 'come back' because the sex was amazing. Not unless it's just going to be for sex alone, do you want to be his quickie?
If what you are seeking is a relationship, there are no easy shortcuts to take.
If you are just seeking some attention and sex, keep right on, thats exactly what you will get.
You cannot tell the universe you want a relationship, with all the frills and intimacy of being with your best friend and the jump in bed with just any guy. Huh? The universe will listen to what you SAY you want, but will give you what you SHOW you want. Decide, it is your choice.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Sisterhood and the OTHER Woman
The cute guy smiles at you, he flirts openly and you are instantly smitten.
You see a ring on his all important finger. Or he tells you of his long standing girlfriend.
Time goes by and soon you are talking on the phone, meeting, kissing and more.
He tells you how awesome it is, you finish his sentences. You are meant to be together.
You complete each other.
You finally ask about her, and hear what a manipulative, controlling, selfish BITCH she is.
He makes you feel that you and only you can make him happy.
REALITY CHECK. That bitch is most always some poor woman who hooked up with
an egotistical man and adored him, as time went on she had a job, kids, a home to clean and she
did not have the time to adore him. Babies were bawling and Mr. Wonderful spent his time
trying to look busy so he would not have to help. She got angry, words were spoken and the fights were on. She resented him and he was bewildered by her changes (or so he says), where is the adoring woman he used to know and love? Up to her elbows in dishes and diapers and soccer Mom stuff.
Then he finds you, and you are groomed, no baby spit-up stains on your shoulder! You even spray perfume on and you flirt back. He has found another angel to adore. He bitterly complains how she spends all his money (orthodontists for junior with the overbite costs a lot of money).
You feel righteous indignation for this poor suffering man who cannot tell you strongly enough how you are his ministering angel. He only has peace when with you. You hate her, she deserves your contempt.
REALITY CHECK You are hating and hurting your sister. You don't know her, except through him and he is biased.
How can you hate her? You act as if she stole him from you. Sisterhood is about not betraying another woman. It is about understanding that SHE is not the enemy. No matter what he says about her. You want bad karma? Then go about destroying a home. You will get back more than you can handle.
The married or taken guy has a lot of advantages. He knows all about PMS, he knows how to soothe things over, after all he has had to deal with it for years.
From the 'other' woman, I hear the pain over the promises he made. He promised to leave her, he promised to be 'true', he promised so many wonderful things and even lived up to it for a time. Remember he promised things to her as well....like to love, and honor her. Should you be surprised when after breaking those vows to her, he breaks them to you?
What about the man who is separated? Is he fair game? Ask how long he has been away, have any papers been filed? Did he leave promising her he would work it out?
Lets say she met another and left him. Ok, now thats a different scenario, she left him.
There are 'mean and bad' women out there, however I almost never see that in a reading.
Usually 'SHE" is not a bad person, usually she loves the man but is frustrated.
I do have clients who have ended up with HIM. I do not have a single client who is happy being with HIM. He needs to end his relationships (and so do you) before starting a new one.
He should be healed from the past.
Pain is pain no matter how the relationship started. Someone is going to be hurt. There is no WIN when you purposefully intend to hurt another person, you have to pay at some point and it really, really, hurts when you do. When you love HIM with all your heart, remember, you have loved before and you will love again. Love is never wasted.
Remember hurting another has consequences and it is far easier to just look at him and RUN before starting down this pain filled journey.
You see a ring on his all important finger. Or he tells you of his long standing girlfriend.
Time goes by and soon you are talking on the phone, meeting, kissing and more.
He tells you how awesome it is, you finish his sentences. You are meant to be together.
You complete each other.
You finally ask about her, and hear what a manipulative, controlling, selfish BITCH she is.
He makes you feel that you and only you can make him happy.
REALITY CHECK. That bitch is most always some poor woman who hooked up with
an egotistical man and adored him, as time went on she had a job, kids, a home to clean and she
did not have the time to adore him. Babies were bawling and Mr. Wonderful spent his time
trying to look busy so he would not have to help. She got angry, words were spoken and the fights were on. She resented him and he was bewildered by her changes (or so he says), where is the adoring woman he used to know and love? Up to her elbows in dishes and diapers and soccer Mom stuff.
Then he finds you, and you are groomed, no baby spit-up stains on your shoulder! You even spray perfume on and you flirt back. He has found another angel to adore. He bitterly complains how she spends all his money (orthodontists for junior with the overbite costs a lot of money).
You feel righteous indignation for this poor suffering man who cannot tell you strongly enough how you are his ministering angel. He only has peace when with you. You hate her, she deserves your contempt.
REALITY CHECK You are hating and hurting your sister. You don't know her, except through him and he is biased.
How can you hate her? You act as if she stole him from you. Sisterhood is about not betraying another woman. It is about understanding that SHE is not the enemy. No matter what he says about her. You want bad karma? Then go about destroying a home. You will get back more than you can handle.
The married or taken guy has a lot of advantages. He knows all about PMS, he knows how to soothe things over, after all he has had to deal with it for years.
From the 'other' woman, I hear the pain over the promises he made. He promised to leave her, he promised to be 'true', he promised so many wonderful things and even lived up to it for a time. Remember he promised things to her as well....like to love, and honor her. Should you be surprised when after breaking those vows to her, he breaks them to you?
What about the man who is separated? Is he fair game? Ask how long he has been away, have any papers been filed? Did he leave promising her he would work it out?
Lets say she met another and left him. Ok, now thats a different scenario, she left him.
There are 'mean and bad' women out there, however I almost never see that in a reading.
Usually 'SHE" is not a bad person, usually she loves the man but is frustrated.
I do have clients who have ended up with HIM. I do not have a single client who is happy being with HIM. He needs to end his relationships (and so do you) before starting a new one.
He should be healed from the past.
Pain is pain no matter how the relationship started. Someone is going to be hurt. There is no WIN when you purposefully intend to hurt another person, you have to pay at some point and it really, really, hurts when you do. When you love HIM with all your heart, remember, you have loved before and you will love again. Love is never wasted.
Remember hurting another has consequences and it is far easier to just look at him and RUN before starting down this pain filled journey.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Keeping Score
If you want a sure way to being miserable, start keeping score.
"I called him six times and he only called me once." "I sent him a romantic
card and he never sent me one" "I initiated sex the last five times."
If you do something nice to get a specific result from a person, that is nothing
but manipulation.
If you do nice things all the time and get no thanks back, or an attitude of
"I deserve this", then you may want to look hard at this relationship.
Lately my readings have had a lot to do with score keeping and little to do with love.
"I called him six times and he only called me once." "I sent him a romantic
card and he never sent me one" "I initiated sex the last five times."
If you do something nice to get a specific result from a person, that is nothing
but manipulation.
If you do nice things all the time and get no thanks back, or an attitude of
"I deserve this", then you may want to look hard at this relationship.
Lately my readings have had a lot to do with score keeping and little to do with love.
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