There is a spiritual truth no one seems to talk about. It is uncomfortable and is not a HAPPY truth. I noticed that since "The Secret" came out we all seem to want comfortable, happy truths. If you want to bring something into your life you have to rid get rid of something. Another way to put this is you have to deny yourself something. To lose weight, you give up some foods. To get friends, you have to give up a degree of your solitude. To be out of debt, you pay your bills and do not spend foolishly. There are so many examples in everyday life, of giving up something in order to get what you desire.
To get love into your life you may have to give up hate, or strong dislike or being judgmental about others. That feeling of secret superiority we can all be guilty of feeling, about others, it not a feeling that attracts anything positive. You may have to give up habits of thinking about HIM or hating the woman HE is now with. You may think you want HIM but what you are truly wanting is love. To get love, you must give up it's opposite. If you have been wanting HIM back for a long time, you have your work to do. Quit hating, it's the opposite of what you are trying to attract.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
You get through it
Battered and bruised, you get through it.
Small victories privately celebrated "I did not think of him for an hour"
"I laughed at a joke"
Listening to and really hearing the conversations around you.
Pride in not being asked how you are doing, because your recovery shows.
Wearing makeup to look pretty, not because you fear you may run into him.
Determination to make better choices.
Ceasing to wonder why and just accepting that it is, what it is.
Your thinking changes....... to wondering why you ever tolerated, or thought you had to tolerate those things that hurt you, those things that made you feel less than worthy, less than honored.
Less than loved. You start looking forward to loving again because this time, you will know the signs to look for, this time you will be a success. Because something inside simply will not allow you to be treated as inferior.
Feeling a strange sense of pity for the man who thought he could do better. Then a strange sense of relief that you are not with that man who is so dumb.
It all changes, just give it time and be kind to you. Take care of you.
Small victories privately celebrated "I did not think of him for an hour"
"I laughed at a joke"
Listening to and really hearing the conversations around you.
Pride in not being asked how you are doing, because your recovery shows.
Wearing makeup to look pretty, not because you fear you may run into him.
Determination to make better choices.
Ceasing to wonder why and just accepting that it is, what it is.
Your thinking changes....... to wondering why you ever tolerated, or thought you had to tolerate those things that hurt you, those things that made you feel less than worthy, less than honored.
Less than loved. You start looking forward to loving again because this time, you will know the signs to look for, this time you will be a success. Because something inside simply will not allow you to be treated as inferior.
Feeling a strange sense of pity for the man who thought he could do better. Then a strange sense of relief that you are not with that man who is so dumb.
It all changes, just give it time and be kind to you. Take care of you.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Happy?
I have several male clients. What they can't seem to 'get' is why, when they try so hard, SHE is never happy and it's never enough. They always seem to fall down on their full time job which is to MAKE HER HAPPY. The fact that she is not a happy person anyhow never seems to occur to anyone. The guys (bless their hearts) just keep trying.
Now if I was talking to their female counterpart I would hear "He used to text me 10 times a day and call me at least 4 times a day just to hear my voice". That was before. Before what?
Before he realized he was spending 4 to 5 hours a day on the phone, before his work fell far behind and the boss was screaming, before he started to understand that if he was calling 4 times a day, you wanted 6.
This whole subject of happiness really bothers me because everyone out there wants the other to make them happy. It's not possible. You have to make yourself happy. No one can do that for you. No one can love you the way you can love yourself, and I am not talking about the ego here. Nothing will make the ego happy for more than a few moments. The man/woman cannot ever make you feel happy or validated for long. Life just moves too quickly for that.
What are you doing to make you happy? Why are you expecting another to take better care of you than you take care of yourself? Thats just wrong. It is not anothers' duty, it belongs to you and you alone.
In my 30's I was so busy with kids, a demanding job and a host of other things. It never occured to me that I was supposed to even try to be happy. I filled out one of those silly questionaires
in a waiting room and one of the questions was "What do you like to do for fun?" I had no answer. Fun? I was supposed to have fun? When was I supposed to fit THAT in? I thought for weeks about what I would like to do, and I decided to take painting classes. Once a week. Wow,
imagine that 2 hours a week just for me. To this day I love it. I do it for me. It makes me HAPPY. I love everything about it, the mess, the color, the brushes, the canvas I am working on. Now, when I need a shot of joy, I just close my door and paint.
No other person can do for you what you can do for yourself. When you have a hobby or a passion, HE/SHE will still matter, it's just easier to find your own happiness and it takes a load off your mate. Start being responsible for your own happiness. Glow with it. Your mate will surely notice and if for some reason he does not, it won't matter.
Now if I was talking to their female counterpart I would hear "He used to text me 10 times a day and call me at least 4 times a day just to hear my voice". That was before. Before what?
Before he realized he was spending 4 to 5 hours a day on the phone, before his work fell far behind and the boss was screaming, before he started to understand that if he was calling 4 times a day, you wanted 6.
This whole subject of happiness really bothers me because everyone out there wants the other to make them happy. It's not possible. You have to make yourself happy. No one can do that for you. No one can love you the way you can love yourself, and I am not talking about the ego here. Nothing will make the ego happy for more than a few moments. The man/woman cannot ever make you feel happy or validated for long. Life just moves too quickly for that.
What are you doing to make you happy? Why are you expecting another to take better care of you than you take care of yourself? Thats just wrong. It is not anothers' duty, it belongs to you and you alone.
In my 30's I was so busy with kids, a demanding job and a host of other things. It never occured to me that I was supposed to even try to be happy. I filled out one of those silly questionaires
in a waiting room and one of the questions was "What do you like to do for fun?" I had no answer. Fun? I was supposed to have fun? When was I supposed to fit THAT in? I thought for weeks about what I would like to do, and I decided to take painting classes. Once a week. Wow,
imagine that 2 hours a week just for me. To this day I love it. I do it for me. It makes me HAPPY. I love everything about it, the mess, the color, the brushes, the canvas I am working on. Now, when I need a shot of joy, I just close my door and paint.
No other person can do for you what you can do for yourself. When you have a hobby or a passion, HE/SHE will still matter, it's just easier to find your own happiness and it takes a load off your mate. Start being responsible for your own happiness. Glow with it. Your mate will surely notice and if for some reason he does not, it won't matter.
Friday, December 11, 2009
The Breakup
What now? I can predict you will spend the new several weeks, if not months trying to figure out WHY this happened. Why he decided you were not long term or why he left you for the bimbo at the bar, or decided to try again with his ex. The truth is you will never know exactly why no matter how many psychics you call. Even asking him will not answer your question. You would not accept the answer anyhow if he had just one reason, there are normally dozens of reasons. So get used to not knowing WHY.
The next few weeks will be hard. Do not make the mistake of hooking up with his friend to get even or seek validation, in fact his best friends are off limits now. No calling to ask how they are, they all know what you really want to ask is "How is HE, is he missing me or seeing anyone else?" Any forms of stalking (hacking emails, hacking cell phones, hiding in bushes, calling his family or friends, driving by his house or job, hacking his credit card to see what he is spending) and yes I have heard all of these and more have to stop. Why? Because the end result is just more pain. Knowing he spent $128 dollars on a dinner Saturday night will just hurt. In fact all of it just prolongs the hurt. Why would anyone want to do that? Everyone says they have a right to know. No you do not have that right. It is wrong. Legally, emotionally, spiritually wrong to invade another persons privacy.
The next few weeks will be hard. Do not make the mistake of hooking up with his friend to get even or seek validation, in fact his best friends are off limits now. No calling to ask how they are, they all know what you really want to ask is "How is HE, is he missing me or seeing anyone else?" Any forms of stalking (hacking emails, hacking cell phones, hiding in bushes, calling his family or friends, driving by his house or job, hacking his credit card to see what he is spending) and yes I have heard all of these and more have to stop. Why? Because the end result is just more pain. Knowing he spent $128 dollars on a dinner Saturday night will just hurt. In fact all of it just prolongs the hurt. Why would anyone want to do that? Everyone says they have a right to know. No you do not have that right. It is wrong. Legally, emotionally, spiritually wrong to invade another persons privacy.
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